Girls gone wild

Cue the angels singing: I have a girls weekend coming up.

I have been waiting for what feels like ages, though it may have only been a few weeks. It's hard to tell when you're this excited for something to just get here already. It's nearly here and I could not be more psyched and ready. I am ready because, well, how can I put this? Because immaboutta lose my damn mind up in here.

I haven't left my kids in the nine months since my son was born. So, technically I have been with him for 18 months straight; nine of them completely sober. As I write this, at 10:39pm, my 4-year-old is sitting next to me reminding me that she really meant it, she does not want to go to sleep.

No, no, you don't seem tired at all. By all means, carry on.

I want to get away. I need to get away. We all need to get away once in a while. These are the things I am most looking forward to.

Waking Up

Sleep is kind of a big deal to me. I sleep well, and I recognize that I am incredibly lucky to get enough sleep on a regular basis... trust me, you don't want to be anywhere near me if I haven't. But it's not just plain old sleep that I am looking forward to. I am looking forward to one of the most deliciously decadent things I think any parent can imagine. I am looking forward to waking up when I wake up. That's right, when I wake up, as in, when my body decides to wake up. Not when someone else beckons me from my slumber. 

Maybe it'll be 6am, maybe 8, and maybe a luxuriously irresponsible 10am. I don't know, and that is an amazing thing. To wake up because my body feels refreshed and ready to go, or more likely just a bit hungry, is going to be such a delight. Instead of the slow building chanting of "mummmMMMMMYYYYYYYYY!!!" from the 4-year-old, or the baby's grunting post-morning poo alert, or the husband sneaking out for a morning bike ride like the clumsiest, loudest ninja ever, I will wake up when I damn well feel like it. Or when I hear my friends get up and my FOMO kicks in. Either way it will be for a great reason that I am most excited about.

Going to bed

I am looking forward to going to bed when I want to. Not when I pass out exhausted on the couch (although maybe that's what I'll do). And not just because I know I have to get to bed cause if I don't I'll be exhausted when one of those super annoying wake-up calls comes in (see above). Maybe I'll pass out in a drunken stupor (fingers crossed). Maybe I will revisit a long lost evening skin regimen I once heard about, back when a nightly skin regimen didn't seem like the worst way to spend 20 minutes instead of just crawling into my bed. Either way, I will stay up as late as I want and go to sleep when I want, and that is a treat.

Eating 

After my glorious night of sleep, I will make myself some food. In fact, I may make myself some food several times over the weekend. Making my own food is a real upgrade from eating the leftover food I prepared for someone else. I will thoughtfully consider what I would like to consume and then take the time and effort to prepare it accordingly. I will then sit down and eat said food in relative quiet. Relative quiet is a bit of a joke, if you knew how loud my friends are. But they don't whine and they don't screech at their food, so it's a remarkable improvement on my usual dining companions. In addition, I don't have to share. I will because I am a splitsy queen, but I don't have to. 

Breakfast of champions... and by champions I mean me, this morning

Drinking

Drink, drank, drunk. Yup, might have a cocktail or two... and why not? As I mentioned before, I will be sleeping until I don't wanna sleep no more.

Talking

Talking on the phone to my friends is a thing of the past. I had children instead and the two cannot peacefully coexist under the same roof. These days I can email or text in short clips, but to sit down and really talk to my friends, uninterrupted, about whatever we want, G-rated or X-rated, without a small child being at their most annoying in the background is pretty exciting stuff.

Laughing

Very similar to talking, laughing takes on a life of its own after kids. If you're doing it around them, very often you have to censor what you're laughing about. If you're doing it away from them, you run the risk of waking them up or worse, piquing their interest so they want to know what you're laughing about. Never as fun as unadulterated (really un-child-erated) laughter.

Bathroom

Having the bathroom to myself when I need to use it is worth looking forward to. I don't even have to bring my phone in with me since I won't have to combine the two for lack of time/attention/privacy. I can pee, then I can leave the bathroom and play on my phone for five additional minutes without someone wandering over to see what I'm doing and/or begging me for my phone. I have more to say about showering as a parent, but that is for another time. To summarize, there will be shampooing AND shaving... Both in the same shower!

It's getting to the point where I think I may have offended my husband with my eager anticipation. He has had multiple business trips and a boys Vegas weekend in the past few months so I don't actually feel too bad if I have. Oh well. So sad, too bad. I'm outta here suckas!