Monday, September 27, 2021

Why I’m leaving my husband for Bluey’s dad

I have a crush. My current notepad is all hearts and doodles of our names written together: I heart Bandit Heeler, Mrs. Bandit Heeler, Bandit + Lindsey 4-ever

Sure he’s the 2-D doggie star of a hit Australian TV cartoon. But a girl can dream, right?

First off, if you are not yet familiar with the TV show Bluey, go do yourself a favor and invest a minimum of 7 minutes (length of one episode). Even if you don’t have kids, it’s worth it.

In my youth I went for unapologetic good looks, charm and musical talent. But several years into motherhood, what truly makes me swoon is watching a fun, active, exceptional dad. Bluey’s dad Bandit isn’t just competent, he’s extraordinary; his commitment to his family undeniable. He is a very good boy indeed. Some say man’s best friend, I think best friend with benefits?

Bandit. Just his name evokes the remarkable intersection of obedience and naughtiness… he’s not Killer, not Fang, not Crusher… he’s Bandit. Bandit Heeler. It implies a certain mischievousness lacking any real malice. He’s perfectly imperfect. A bad boy with a good heart. Bandit’s so cool, he could make “fetch” happen.

That good heart (along with his rugged good looks) are on display as he sets his life aside daily to engage with his children and be the best dad he can be. Bandit is patient and kind, but also silly and self-deprecating. It is a level of paternal selflessness and devotion to family not seen on TV since… well, since ever. He works from home, available to play with his kids whenever they want. They come first. And how can you not love a man who only wants others to come first?

Bandit is laid-back, a true domestic dog, which is most apparent in his elaborate brekkie (that’s Australian for breakfast) as well as his nappy (that’s non-American for diaper) changing. In fact, his back still ails him from said nappy changing, a pain he manages to push aside for the joy and amusement of his children… what a guy! So relatable, yet approachable. The kind of dog you just want to grab a beer with and scratch behind the ears real nice. 

One of Bandit’s most endearing qualities is his insistence that his wife live her life and go to work, exercise, or out with her friends. Don’t worry, he’s got the kids. They’re in good hands, or paws, or whatever… either way, he’s got them. All us moms really want is time away, knowing the children are well looked after. Bandit ensures our peace of mind while we are away, and is never too exhausted to play once we return. I’d give that dog a bone.

He also loves a bit of make-believe: imaginative play, role playing, cosplay. Bandit excels at keeping his kids not only entertained, but laughing and happy. There’s nothing sexier to a mom. And then there’s keepy-uppy… I’ll play keepy-uppy with you Bandit.

Of course a huge part of what I love about Bandit is his dedication to his family, so deep down I know he would never leave Chilli for me. But, Bandit, as the notecard in Love Actually read so succinctly: ‘To me, you are perfect.’

And sure, my human partner is the closest thing to a real-life version of Bandit I’ve ever seen, so I am incredibly lucky. But my heart will always have a spot for Bandit Heeler. 


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