Monday, February 20, 2017

People, ammiright?

Hi there. Remember me? Haven't heard from me in a while, but it's not because I haven't been writing. In fact, I have been very busy on fun, different stuff which I will share here as soon as I figure out how. But that is for another time.

So what's been going on with you? Oh, right. That sh!t. To be honest, I have woken up every day for the past few months with the same pit in my stomach, the same dulled recognition of the reality that we're living in, the same questioning of what the heck goes on in some people's minds. Because people... I mean, where do I begin?

I am not a people person. I have a few people I adore, some I like and a lot I merely tolerate. I don't understand what's going on in this world, and I don't expect to any time soon. But this has nothing to do with all that. This is about the fact that people are strange on many different levels and I'm not sure I even want to understand them anymore.

Let's take one of my neighbors as an example: Their window faces our window and since the beginning of December (pretty standard timing-wise), they have had a curtain of flashing lights hanging in their window. A quick note: these are not rhythmic, consistent flashing lights a-la your typical Christmas strand. No, these lights vary. With no discernible rhythm or reason, they move from a slow motion flowing on and off to a quicker paced twinkle into a full blown epileptic fit of flashing. It's jarring. I can see them from my couch and it catches me by surprise every time. Every time. It makes me feel uneasy, anxious (or more anxious, as the case may be), and generally unpleasant. So my question is this: what kind of person wants that sh!t on their own window? From what I can tell, it is in their living room space, which for me is a safe haven of calm and relaxation (at least after 8pm when the kids are out of here). So what kind of person likes the inconsistent, abrupt, haphazard flashing of lights in their own living space? A coo-koo pants person, that's who. A person I don't understand and one I don't think I ever want to understand.



But now let's go a bit further. It is now February 20, President's Day weekend. Our holiday lights have come and gone. The tree in the lobby has been packed up for next year. In fact, everywhere I go I have noticed the same thing: most holiday lights have come and gone. And judging by the fact that the same neighbors had these crazy lights up last year, took them down and then brought them back during the "holiday season," they seem to acknowledge the general acceptance of such ridiculousness during a specific period of time during the year. But there is also an off season. That "accepted" time has long since passed. It's time to let the seizure inducing lights go.

My husband thinks we should stick a Happy New Year's card under their door, which is just so perfectly passive aggressive it's a wonder I made it nearly 30 years without this guy. I think we should send the super in as they are obviously dead inside. That is the only acceptable reason I can think of. Oh sure, of course I'll be sad that someone is dead, but I will be so relieved to understand the situation at long last.

Speaking of my weird neighbors, I was walking down the staircase the other day and noticed needles from a Christmas tree on the stairs from the fourth floor all the way down. You should know, we live in a building with an elevator. I know this because I used that elevator to remove our Christmas tree, among other things. I popped my head out on the fourth floor to have a look because something about this unnecessary use of the stairs for Christmas tree disposal didn't sit well with me. Would you believe that this person dragged their tree from the apartment located right next to the elevator, past three other apartment doors and then down four flights of stairs, shedding needles the whole way? And need I remind you of the date again?

I have so many questions: Do they always avoid riding the elevator, or just when they have a tree with them? Were they embarrassed by how late in the year it was for getting rid of the tree? Did they not realize this would inflict way more "damage" from the tree? Did they make any attempt to clean this up themselves (like, maybe I'm seeing it after they tried sweeping?), As I don't see anyone around, did they apologize to the guy that has to clean this up for them? Why? Who? What the f#$%? But then I packed up my curiosity and went home because I am done trying to understand people. It's pointless to try. And it's pointless to try to change them.

Just like I won't try to change my other neighbor. When they're not screaming the door down from inside, they let their kids chase each other up and down the hallway while making trips to the garbage room. Apparently trips to the garbage room are winter day activities for them. On rainy or snowy days they leave their wet stuff outside their door, clogging up the hallway for way too long. And they stink up the hallway with their cooking and sometimes burning of dinner. They are... oh, no wait, that's us. We do that. We are also sh!tty, crazy neighbors.

On second thought, maybe there is hope for us to all peacefully coexist in our mutual craziness. I don't need to understand your crazy, cause I'm too busy unpacking my own stuff. Reason and sanity are out the window. Psychotic lights are in the window.

A purposely ill-timed Happy New Year to you all.

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