Monday, January 6, 2014

OK, that's enough of that now

Seeing how early into the new year it is, I am still in the mindset of turning over new leaves, bettering myself and the world around me. With that in mind, this year, instead of individuals making multiple resolutions, I think we should all just make one... this one: Can we collectively agree to stop making jokes (bad ones, at that) about the so-called "high costs of fancy coffee." The window of opportunity for humor and mock horror about the "crazy" prices of gourmet coffee-based beverages has closed. It is over. Let us move on.

Now, I am not trying to be a snob here. I recognize that the process for ordering complicated coffee drinks has become a parody of itself. And I realize that the prices associated with those drinks is silly if and when you stop and think about it. But enough with the bad jokes and snarky comments already. Crazy as it once seemed, that whole coffee craze thing has officially caught on. Let it go.

There is a Starbucks on nearly every corner... which is actually another comment related to this whole coffee thing that I think we can do without. My point is, there are indeed many locations to buy these fancy-schmancy coffee drinks. People clearly patronize these establishments regularly, both major corporation style Starbucks' as well as small business, niche coffee houses. It is happening. I think the humor associated with making fun of these places and the cost of their wares is pretty dated... like, Pamela Anderson as your sex-tape reference dated. So let's all just agree to move past it and stop now.

This specific style of mass-appeal/"hardy-har-har" humor is on its way out. Don't believe me? Just ask Jay Leno. If I have to hear one more radio DJ talking about how nuts someone has to be to pay "$47 for a cafe latte" or a game show/talk show host pretending to stumble on a faux order for a "venti half-caf double D-cup soy milk foam crap-pucino," I am seriously going to lose it.

There are infinite ways to order these kooky coffee drinks... but so what? So what if I like whipped cream on top of my no sugar added ice blended? That's my business. Actually, that's the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf's business, and they are really freaking good at what they do. And if I don't have a problem spending almost $5 for that drink, why should you? I'm not saying you should spend it too... I'm saying you should just let me get my drink without some lame-a$$ commentary about the cost of buying coffee these days. Hey, were kids different back in your day too? Yeah, no kidding, me too. Get over it grandma.

Guess what? If you want coffee for a dollar, there are still places that do that. My diner even provides free refills. The man in the metal box on my corner will throw in a stale kaiser roll with butter. And hey, making your own coffee and putting it in a reusable to-go cup is both eco-friendly and cost-efficient. But for those of us who want to splurge on a highfalutin coffee every now and again, just let us.

And to those folks out there who are inclined to truly help the world, please do me a favor, don't even suggest for a second that my once-in-a-while coffee should be eliminated in order to fund a dog in need, the fight on communicable diseases or universal pre-k... one does not affect the other and the comparison is offensive, at least to me. Converting the costs of other things into the cost per day of specialty coffee drinks is another part of this silly trend that also needs to stop.

Be gone old-fashioned Costly Coffee References. It's 2014 and we don't need you any more. Go join your friends: Jokes About Phones With Cords and VHS vs. Betamax Debates. And be sure to make room for Hipster Fashion Trends... they will no doubt be joining you in exile soon.

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