Tuesday, October 8, 2013

There are no words

Actually there are words. There are lots of words. There are arguably too many words. There are words that mean everything. There are words that mean nothing. There are words that all sound the same but mean different things. There are several very different words that can all describe the same thing. Yet somehow, despite this wealth of words in the world, I find it necessary to make up words (or believe I have) when the existing words simply won't do the trick. I'm not talking about abbreviated or nonsensical words like obvi or ridonkulous, although I do use words like that on occasion and then secretly curse myself for it. I am talking about seeing a void and filling it.

I "shant" believe anyone else came up with this
You see, by nature I am a void filler. One of my first forays into word-smithing came almost 20 years ago. It wasn't necessarily a situation where there wasn't a word for the thing I was talking about. There was: Capris. But this word just didn't do it for me, so I opted for the slightly more obvious, and no doubt more effective "shants," my nickname for short pants. I have been calling them shants for years, and I believe this word far exceeds the more commonly accepted "Capris." I'm proud of shants. And I would like to think I invented it. I will take no responsibility, however, for the word "jorts." That is just an ugly word for an ugly thing - jean shorts. Blech.

I don't give an"UKS"
A phrase that recently got some popular attention from modern teenage girls and their obsessions with them is the "thigh gap." The thigh gap is the space between the upper thigh that some, but by no means all women have when they stand with their legs together. Personally, I see a void there. Let's face it, I have no need for the phrase "thigh gap" and I never will. For those like me, may I offer you the Upper Knees Squeeze, or Uks (pronounced Uh-cks) to refer to the butt-like wedge your thighs make when you are standing up, sometimes not even with your feet together. Yes, but can you use it in a sentence? Of course. "Yeah, I've got uks, but since I don't see myself giving up cheese or cupcakes any time soon, I will probably have uks forever."
I use other anatomical compound words like g-unt (my personal preference over the word f-u-p-a) when necessary and I am glad those words exist. And who doesn't love a nick ch-eck (when there is no true distinction between someone's chin and their neck). The Upper Knees Squeeze has always existed (at least since the first cave woman with "athletic" legs). Now it has a name.

How healthy is too healthy?
Veganorexia is a name for a newfangled disorder that I temporarily thought I came up with. A bit of internet research proved that I most definitely did not. Just so we're clear, I do not mean to suggest that people who choose a Vegan lifestyle have underlying eating disorders... far from it. But it would also be foolish of someone to suggest that absolutely none of the people who seek out the Vegan lifestyle have an exaggerated or possibly undiagnosed eating disorder. It may be only a handful, but there are some, nonetheless. I think the Vegan lifestyle is wonderful, if you have decided to do it for reasons other than maintaining a specific body type. Those who are in it for the wrong reasons, celebrity or otherwise, could have veganorexia. It's a decent new word, even if I can't fully claim it as my own. I'm just happy other people are aware of it. That should hopefully prevent it from becoming too major of a problem. It also comes in super handy when I'm flipping through US Weekly and need to refer to some of the gals I wish weren't role models, but are.
Another modern issue I would like to draw attention to are the women who work out too much. Again, there is a difference between those choosing a healthy lifestyle and those who abuse that lifestyle at the expense of (or for the misguided purpose of) looking healthy. There is a very subjective line between the women that look fit and active and the women who look just too cut and defined with absolutely no meat on their bones that the muscles and veins just kind of pop directly out of the skin and cling to their arm bones for dear life. Those women have got "scaarms" (scary ass arms). And I hope they also get the help they so desperately need. But again, at least I have a word to gasp under my breath as they walk by that can't get me busted outright.

Me "Likesy"
We "Google" things all the time, which is a great example of a brand name becoming the commonly used word for the thing it is or does, like Xerox, Kleenex or Q-Tip. In a slightly less 'proper noun' version of this, I am a huge fan of "likesing" things. Sometimes I am referring to actual Facebook activity, the process of scrolling through things and "likesing" them based on content or content provider. But I also enjoy taking likesing outside of its comfort zone. I tend to tell people that I "likesed" their previous email, the dessert they served me at their home or the way their shirt complemented their eyes. And while I realize the proper way of saying it would be to simply say, I "like" these things, what can I say, I just likes the way it sounds.
C'mon, you know you likes it

A "finkle" in time....
My daughter is also a bit of a void filler. She proved her mettle at the ripe old age of 18 months. After a bath she was lying on her changing table as we dried her and put her pjs on. She was curiously gazing at her fingers, so I asked her: "are your fingers wrinkled?" To which our junior word maker replied: "Yeah, finkles." She thoughtfully examined her hands a bit closer and then again confirmed them to be "finkles." Of course... because what else would we call wrinkled fingers? Happily the name has stuck and we talk about her finkles after many an extended bath or pool time.

When you stand like that, I can See your Caucus
One of my new favorites came about when my husband "misheard" me talking about the great state of New Jersey. I can really only use this one because I have lived there (one of those weird loopholes like fat people being able to make fat jokes or members of Congress believing they can accuse other people of not getting stuff done). It is a nickname for the state made famous by Bon Jovi and Snooki... "Vagersey." Just conjures a lovely image, or a horrible one, depending on your disposition. Bruce is still from Jersey. Respect.

Hors-Camel-Moos-Goat? Wait... what the F is that?
It's a female moose. It was parked in my friend Jess's backyard and as a result of her sharing this photo, I will now refer to all female moose as foose, or fooses... but I'm pretty sure it's foose.

I know I'm not the only one who makes up words. Anyone else out there want to share? If your words are any good, I promise to start using them in my day to day... and then who knows, maybe one day I will think I was the one who came up with it. And if not, well, it can't be long until I strike foose gold again.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Wein....how i love you. And i'm behind on posts. I have to get reading.


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