Monday, October 1, 2012


I don't really get fashion. I like clothes. I've been known to wear them, often. But what started as an appreciation for a standard version of beauty has since turned into a visual p!ssing contest. I enjoy seeing beautiful clothes, but there's a lot that goes on in the fashion industry that confounds me. Like the players in said industry trying to out-weird each other. I just don't get it.

I know this behavior is not limited to the fashion industry. The art world is just full of "art for art sake" people who make a meal of being seen as 'so strange they must be amazing.' I have to wonder how much substance remains inside if you feel you have to wear your interestingness on the outside. Interestingness is one of many words I would have sworn I made up, yet the spell check isn't underlining it, so I guess not.

New York City probably has the highest rate per capita of people that think their sh!t doesn't stink, or rather that the distinct funk of their sh!t is so superior to others that we should just be grateful that they walk the streets with us and haven't needed to construct an alternative walkway for themselves out of sight of us mere mortals. So perhaps I just encounter these people more frequently because of where I live.

It seems like mainstream is the latest curse word and alternative is the new norm. When did it become a bad thing to be recognized and appreciated by many? It seems like the thing to be right now is under-appreciated or misunderstood. Why? Because some of the great people in history were under-appreciated and misunderstood? The faulty logic at play here leaves these modern day "greats" both desperate for attention and disgusted by it at the same time. Don't dress in a way that begs to be noticed and then object to the attention it garners.

This is not directed to everyone that dresses in that attention seeking way. For some of them do truly and openly seek that attention. They thrive off it. Some others (back to those fashion types) just need to dress a certain way to be accepted professionally. I'm just wondering if there is in fact a place where it all balances out. Or do we eventually get to the place where blue jeans and a white t-shirt seems somehow strange and a fashion statement unto itself. Can everything be unique if unique itself becomes a common thing?

What it really boils down to is that I question a lot of the stuff I see on people these days.
I can chalk a certain amount of squeamishness up to my age. I may have considered leather hot pants in my youth, but feel that I have turned the corner on hot pants in general, leather or not.

I am 5' 10" so I have no right to judge someone who feels they need 7" heels. It's impressive enough that they can walk in them. Which naturally brings me to the girls who can't walk in high high heels. Please, just stop wearing them. You look terrible teetering up there. It's not a fashion statement, it's an affront to your intelligence that you think the beauty of the shoe overshadows how awkward you look in them.

A lot of tight dresses out there too. Sexy tight dresses. Jersey dresses that cling, bandage dresses, bondage dresses... do your thing ladies. But um, can you please consider that the tight, clingy look may not exactly suit your body type. Many of you can rock this look. Pregnant ladies, I am talking to you. If there is ever a question of when a tight dress is appropriate, it is when you are pregnant. Rock it, unapologetically. I love to see a tight dress and a big bump. It makes me happy. Pregnancy can suck a lot of your beauty and confidence and this is one way, a small way, to get some confidence back. I probably wore more tight clothing while I was pregnant than during the rest of my life combined. You just own it. Of course, I am fairly sure that some ladies are not incubating a small human, but just in need of some proper smoothing undergarments or may just need to skip the tight clingy dress altogether.

Back to my squeamishness... have you seen the lengths of dresses these days?? They are shirts. At least on my frame they are. But they are worn by many a lady sans pants. And I walk behind them with the intent gaze of a pervert or a confused peer, wondering how it is possible with every step they take that I can actually see straight up to the top end of their leg. How is this acceptable? My husband pointed out recently that as long as you can't see the smile of an ass cheek, it's all good. I know he's right because some of those jean shorts this summer revealed more than a few of those ass smiles and I was downright horrified each time. I know the economy is taking it's toll, but can companies only afford to make dresses with this new drop length in an attempt to maximize their fabric and save money? Have these ladies sold their mirrors in a last ditch effort to save some money and therefore cannot see their own ass cheek before they leave the house?

You can hopefully understand that with a small daughter at home, I find this fashion trajectory utterly frightening. Are we in the midst of a fashion full circle which finds us reverting back to how we started in this world, naked? Surely we've realized the need for loin cloths at least and won't return to fully naked, but again, where does it stop? What is the balance point?

I'll leave you with this thought...

So that's actually two people's judgment I have to call into question. He could have easily pointed out the fact that the sheerness of her dress bordered on inappropriate. I'm not saying you could get arrested for this type of behavior. We all know the phrase fashion police is reserved for bitchy quarter-celebs ripping each other apart, and that they wield no legal power over the dressing habits of others. But let's all take a moment to think before we walk out of the house. Do I want to get noticed? Am I proud of this look? Would my grandparents or grandchildren be proud of this look? Am I trying too hard? Am I not trying hard enough? Can you actually see my ass somehow?

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